dear myself

You’re strongly considering veganism now. Have you seen all those pretty, skinny vegan boys and girls? Not to mention, you’ll be much happier and healthier without all the ick of artificial and growth hormones. It’s not like you eat meat anyway. Let’s hope this all works out for you, you’re strong and I love you.

Today is all about remembering. Do you remember when you were only in the eigth grade and you stole your parents credit card to buy diet pills online? They never suspected a thing! How wonderful was that? Now if only you could remember the name of those wonderous pills. They supressed your apetite perfectly, and made you feel so amazing! Maybe you should go back on those so you don’t ruin anymore fastings? Ahh well, you’re doing well so far. Don’t punish yourself so much, it’s only destroying yourself.

Maybe people will like you better when you get skinny. Maybe they won’t feel the need to talk so badly about you when you’re skinny. Maybe things will be different. Maybe it won’t be so bad when you’re 85 pounds. I hope it gets better. Maybe it will.

You keep having these weird dreams where you eat small foods and gain 10 lbs from it. The you purge, and you gain even more. It sounds quite like the story of your life, does it not? All you can do is pray that you’ll lose those twenty unneeded pounds, and chug down those diet pills. You can only do it if you believe in yourself first. I believe in you.

You started this blog to keep yourself from binging, just like you’ve started tens of thousands of other useless blogs. But you feel as if this one might be the right way to go. You’ve been dealing with this ED since November 2008, but have had many others before then. Last time you weighed yourself you were 108 lbs, but things have certainly changed since then, haven’t they? You’ve obviously gained at least twenty pounds, and you’re a failure. You go from eating nothing to shoving everything down your throat. You’re a cow, Kathryn. And that’s certainly all you’ll ever be. But stay strong, for one day you will be as skinny as Agyness Deyn. But only if you don’t lose yourself first. You’re going insane, but we all know that.